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Virginia Capitol C onnections, Spring 2015
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What man can have you thinking about basic morality, questioning
your own belief system, squirming at your own inconsistent thoughts,
suffering mild confusion, and splitting your sides in laughter? Nobody
but Mark Twain.
He took equal potshots at politicians, journalists, preachers, and
even sleepy horses at a rare appearance November 9th at Glen Allen
Cultural Arts Center. The slow cadence didn’t hide the quick wit of
the famous American author and humorist. After the turning off of the
cellphones, the Arts Center in Henrico County was transformed back in
time to 1905, where an adoring crowd gathered to meet Mr. Twain and
raise scholarship money for Bluefield College in SouthwesternVirginia.
The audience was pleasantly surprised to find that reports of
Twain’s death had, indeed, been greatly exaggerated, for there he stood,
in a pure white three-piece suite and white tie, set off by the chain of an
oft-consulted pocketwatch. The other prop was a cigar. Twain assured
us that he smokes only one at a time. But he has to smoke one, of course,
because he doesn’t want to “neglect his habit,” like the poor woman
wanted to improve her life and health, but was in trouble because she
had nothing to give up.
Twain outlined his bum luck as he traveled west and got dropped
from one newspaper to another, still dreaming about the ideal job:
working as a pilot on a Mississippi riverboat. From searching in vain for
silver in the Nevada territory, to giving advice to the lovelorn who wrote
letters to his early version of “DearAbby,” he delighted the audience with
his tangled intricacies almost too confusing to contemplate. This writer’s
personal favorite was Twain’s musings about which baby drowned in
the bathtub—Twain or his brother Bill? No one will ever know.
The content was funny, but heavy, and controversial. It was
painfully timeless and timely at the same time, when he contemplated
whether there could ever be a just war. Twain was fascinated by his
generation’s mass media. “Utterances that shake the world”… and
arguments by “anyone with a speech and a pen.” He spoke of how
a small group of people can start a war cry, denounced at first, then
becoming louder and picked up by statesmen who “blame the nation
being attacked” until the war becomes justified in a “grotesque self-
deception.”
The only persons who seemed to earn Twain’s undying
respect were Martin Luther, Joan of Arc, and his late wife, Livy.
Most of humanity seems desperately in need of missionaries—“to
convert these Christians.” Twain took no prisoners. Even George
Washington’s motives were suspect, as he claimed early in life that
he “cannot tell a lie,” only to garner enough admiration to become
the first president. Neither did Twain let himself off the hook: “I told
my first lie at nine days old. There was nothing wrong, but I cried
anyway.” Such “lies of silence,” mused Twain, are heard in the halls
of Congress, and are “the national asylum for the helpless.”
Twain’s devotion to civil rights was clear, as he referenced some
of his favorite books, including his own masterpiece, The Adventures
of Huckleberry Finn. The fictional Huckleberry, and the book itself,
have been much maligned by modern audiences. But Huckleberry,
said Twain, “knew the right thing to do.” By refusing to turn in the
runaway slave, Jim, Huckleberry was breaking the law. He had been
told that he’d go to hell for this. But, he reasoned, he would choose
to go to hell, if it meant he had done the right thing. Twain shared his
gift of exposing the twisted logic of the times.
Twain gently argued with the popular naturalist of his time,
Charles Darwin. The Twain counterpoint suggested that Darwin’s
theory of evolution seemed “upside down.” It is only humans, he
said, who get caught up in money and war and “passions of revenge.”
Thinking outside the box rises to a whole new level with Twain,
whose admonition to the audience was to “find your own way.” He
told the children in the front row to “obey the rules when you are
young,” but then, like Huckleberry, to find your own way and do the
right thing.” Learning can be difficult, he said, as anybody who has
taken a bull by the tail can tell you.
“It’s not easy to be eccentric,” said Twain. He ought to know.
Twain, whose birth name was Samuel Langhorne Clemens, came
in with Halley’s Comet. He predicted that he would go out with it.
“And I’m looking forward to it,” Twain told the audience, “Good
night.” He exited stage right.
The listeners got the feeling that Twain would have been
much loved at Bluefield College, a small Christ-centered college
in beautiful Tazewell County, Virginia, where the Commonwealth
meets the West Virginia border. The small, private college has less
than 1,000 students. It is offering some new programs, such as some
online degrees and a new Masters in Education. Founded in 1922,
the college gives higher learning opportunities to many students who
would otherwise not have the funding to attend college. David L.
Bailey made this evening with Mark Twain possible.
Mark Twain would have been proud.
Bonnie Atwood, a freelance writer with Tall Poppies Freelance
Writing LLC, is the winner of 24 national and state writing awards,
and represents legislative clients with David Bailey Associates. She
can be reached at .
Mark Twain
“Alive!”e By Bonnie Atwood
V
Mark Twain Alive returns to the Cultural Arts Center at Glen
Allen, August 30, 4 p.m., to benefit My Political Hero scholarships.
Sponsorships and tickets ($25) are available from Virginians for
Integrity in Government (VIG) •
VIG, c/o David Bailey, 1001 E. Broad Street,
Suite 215, Richmond, VA 23219
Mark Twain
“Alive!”Returns